The naked truth is: The sun doesn’t always shine in paradise. When you are travelling by yourself or emigrated to a country far away from home, there are always days where you feel sad, lonely or generally down. All female wanderers like you and me know this feeling – it’s only natural. These feelings are true and it is human to feel. It means that you are alive.
If you feel like you’ve hit the bottom, always remember: You are lucky to be alive and the only way out is through. Things can only get better from now on. Even though it might seem light years away from where you are right now, you will feel better again soon! Here are a few tips from what I have learnt over the years. They may help you with getting through this. Stay strong, beautiful sister!
Don’t let your feelings control you.
Acknowledge the grief, loneliness, disappointment or whatever may be tormenting your heart but: Don’t let these feelings control your actions by taking them too seriously. While it can be healing to shed a tear or two to acknowledge your sadness, don’t get caught up.
Emotions come and go every day. We are all children of the universe, exposed to the ever-changing tides of the heart. Let them wash over you and let go of any anger, disappointment, fear, grief or other negative feelings. They are justified, but they are poison for your power to shine. Accept that they exist, but don’t give them any room to grow. The feelings are allowed to be there, but do not give them any power over you. By accepting them in this way, it will be easier to let them pass.
Forgive yourself and whoever else you may blame for your current situation. By letting go of any feelings of anger, retribution, disappointment or regret, you cut loose the anchor that will only drag you down. Forgiving is one of the most powerful acts in life and will leave you feeling liberated!
Be calm and live in the present.
Be patient, keep your mind occupied and these feelings will fade. A wise guru and friend from the remote Mentawai islands once taught me: „Today is for today, tomorrow is for tomorrow!“ Take life day by day, one step at a time and don’t let current sorrows or worries about the future ruin your day. Every day is a gift!
Be courageous and strong.
Don’t feel sorry for yourself or make yourself smaller than you really are, just because you feel weak and disenchanted. Stand up straight – shoulders straight, chest out, face into the wind – and deal with the challenges ahead like an Amazon warrior! You are much stronger than you may think.
Surround yourself with strong female energy.
Go spend time with strong women in your family, your best friends or meet new faces. They will lift you up and empower you. At the same time, move away from people who only take your energy and give nothing in return. Better be a great friend to a few than an average friend to many.
Find a purpose.
It’s important to keep busy and keep your mind occupied. Find a purpose like doing what you love, exercising, working passionately, taking care of an orphaned animal, a person in need of care, write a poem or article (perhaps even a book) – as long as you feel needed and useful, it will help you get back on your feet.
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!
Let the universe guide you. I believe that every challenge is brought to us for a reason. Take a deep breath and try to come up with a solution. Every challenge we face has healing potential. It may seem unjust, painful or even cruel, but it does not help to complain about it. Try to see it as a chance to grow, not an obstacle or a punishment.
Love and give.
Love is a generous feeling. It is something you give, not something you take. (Especially as women) we have a great ability to love and touch others with our generosity. It is our nature and following it will make you feel content and fulfilled. By spreading warmth, you will receive a lot of positive energy in return that will strengthen you.
If you are down because of an unhappy love, don’t try to hold back your feelings. They are beautiful and precious and deserve to be lived. If the person you love does not appreciate your affection, offer it to yourself and the people around you who care about you. Give your love to the universe and it will love you back!
Don’t seek reassurance in sexual relationships.
Of course we all have physical needs and it is only natural to satisfy them. However, you should not confuse sex with nourishment for the heart and soul. If that is what you’re looking for, a one-night stand will do the opposite: It will leave you feeling worse and empty. Hooking up with a stranger may be one of the easiest and fastest ego-boosts, but is it really what you need? Being intimate with somebody you barely know and who doesn’t give a damn about you might be one of the most self-depreciating things you could do in this moment of weakness.
I believe that as women, we are equipped with the precious gift of offering our deepest selves to another soul. Unlike most men (who often find it easier to contain emotions), it touches our very core when we have sex with someone. To offer this gift up too easily can be a mistake, as not every man knows how to appreciate it and treat you with respect and dignity. In return, you should do the same for him – because like us, men are beautiful, emotional creatures and deserve to be treated that way. A one-night stand hardly ever does anybody justice.
If we spread our gift randomly by sleeping with strangers, we start feeling numb. It gets harder to have a romantic relationship where you really appreciate and commit to a partner, as well as receive the same respect and appreciation.
Swim in the sea.
To mermaids like you and me, the ocean is the ultimate refuge, the greatest remedy for a heavy heart. Dive under the waves and feel the reviving powers of the ocean. There is nothing better to wash away your sorrows than to spend time in the sea!
Drink the wild air.
Spend time in nature and connect with the earth. It can be a yoga session outside, a walk in the sunshine or a drive through the fields. Feeling the fresh air on your skin and the scent of flowers in the air is an instant cure for feeling blue!
Live in the sunshine.
You can take this advice both literally and metaphorically, as in: Think positive. It may sound much easier than it is – but if you are mindful and conscious about looking only on the bright side of things, it will change your life significantly! Turn all those melancholy thoughts around. For example, instead of thinking „I cannot do this,“ switch it around to something like: „I will learn how to do this!“
Dance and celebrate living.
Turn up the volume of your favourite song and dance like there is no tomorrow. It will help you to live in the moment and stop thinking, as well as support your blood circulation to make you feel alive. Nobody will see you! Dance for yourself and enjoy the movement of your body, feel what you are able to do. You are beautiful and your body is your sacred temple.
Eat healthy food.
Your body is your temple and you should treat is as such. Good nutrition and a healthy body are the biggest steps towards a happy life. A healthy, tasty meal at a nice restaurant may not be cheap, but well worth it! You will feel energized and empowered after treating yourself to a little feast! Best shared with good friends of course.
Get a new haircut, a massage, a manicure, put on a face mask, go to the sauna or treat yourself to any other kind of treatment that will make you feel appreciated and beautiful.
Spend time with yourself.
Allow yourself time to be on your own and get to know yourself better. This will help you to deal with challenges that nobody else could possibly help you with. It is ok to be alone sometimes. It doesn’t mean that you are an outcast or have no friends. Only if you are at peace with yourself, will you be able to make others happy.
Write down all the things you are grateful for every morning, such as your job, your home, your health, your friends and family who support you, your strengths, your abilities, etc. If you turn this into a daily practice, life will seem a lot easier with each day – trust me on this! Feeling grateful and showing gratitude to others will make you a much happier person.